A true death

Every person dies twice.

Once, when your physical being departs your vessel.

Twice, when the last person to remember you disembarks this existence.

You will be forgotten.

You will not be missed.

Eventually, eventuality will be amiss.

Having said that, doesn’t mean your existence was worth little to nothing. In fact, to the universe I’d does, but to the people around you it’s everything.

Sure, all of us will be forgotten, all of our items in the trash. All of our loved ones will be the same and not a single thing will last.

But the beauty of this, “this”, is that through astronomical odds, and that’s a limiting word in this regard, no word can do justice, you exist.

There are millions of sperm created daily. One to two million eggs in each woman. 8 billion people on this planet, not counting the ones existing previously.

Yet, you seem to be breathing here today. You are reading this and understanding what the words are trying to relay. It may not come at first, a quick glance, and you’ll never fully understand. Read these letters, put the phone down and daze into the void. Imagine the meaning that I’m so poory trying to instill. Know you mean nothing and everything all at the same time.

Infinity

I am infinity
Living and dying
In every existence.
I’ve been infinity
Living and dreaming
In abstract abundance.
I am infinity
The way I drive my “ness”
Through deliverance
And positivity.
I am infinity
One is plenty
Plenty more exist through reality.

Stop and listen.
Moments conceived through sheer bliss.
One door closes, they’ve all been open.
How can one fathom this?
I am infinity.
So you take a second to to pretend you noticed the fiber of my verbiage and stroll through the convex thinking of my mind.
I am infinity.
Note the word, note the meaning. Never for a second place the tendencies, suicidal or neglect, in a pocket of wishful thinking and brevity.

I am infinity,
And so are you.
Another means of writing my truth.
Sitting in the same damn chair to elaborate thoughts.
This life, that life, you will exist again.
You will exist the same.
Neither Heaven or Hell, because quite honestly, it’s statically closer to a limited possibility., but keep in mind…

You are infinity.
Pissing, shitting, eating and breathing.
There is a multiverse, but don’t just state it,
Really break it down that
We are infinity.
Something came from nowhere and nowhere happens to exist.
Collaboration of cells and experience have made up your soul, your “ness”.

Abrupt actions, deliberated plans. 
It makes no difference,
You follow choices at hand.
You’ve done it before and you’ll do it again.
Your friends and family, a list too long to comprehend.
What you know now, will not be known later.
Live, shit, and breathe because tomorrow you’ll grown in able.
We are collection,
We are excrement,
We are one in a trillion,
We are the experiment,
We notice affliction,
In every little sense,
We build the equation,
We are the stress,
We are the accommodation,
We are perfect,
We breed calamity,
We breed succes,
We are infinity,

Hold no regrets.

Try as you might

Try as you might,

You might know just a little bit.

Try as you fight,

To fight the knowledge that exists.

Fear the ins and outs

But don’t fear the forget abouts.

Serviceability, I service the truth.

Live not the lust,

Confusion of all the musts.

I don’t know what I say,

So long as it sounds pretty.

No seconds or thirds,

A haiku built of instability.

Blank…

I’ve come back around.

Does any of this matter?

No, these words, no sounds – know sounds?

In twenty years you won’t remember me.

In twenty minutes I won’t exist.

I harbor relentlessness,

Perseverance to simply exist.

I know not of what I write,

So long as it provokes a thought,

In me or in you, try,

Try as you might.

Stranglehold

Troubles I find,

Or so they seem to find me.

Obligations, frustration

It’s seemingly hard to breathe.

Disciples of my own,

Hate, fear and greed,

Grow to new bounds

Yet they are everything in me.

Loathe, and lust,

My philosophy grabs hold.

My neck, these lungs…

Are suffocating seeds.

I take a moment to reflect

On the before mentioned roots.

Seeds? Trees! Well established;

This stranglehold on me.

ADHDepression

Moments,

This disbelief,

Some anxiety

Is literally killing me.

Say I won’t

But I wish I would.

Understand that

A bullet is brain food.

Distasteful, yes

But I’m not a gourmet chef.

The brain matter retrieved

Mattered more to you than me.

I’m rhyming out of sequence,

As this sequential form fails.

I’m beginning to understand

My ability to love myself trails

Behind this notion,

Of division, discretion and abuse

Of my own mentality,

Which is morally and utterly obtuse.

So, here we are, and here we’ll be.

Patiently waiting, anticipating,

The dissolution, the middle-aged needs.

Stall the bleed

I see your face

And my heart sinks

The thoughts I had

Still won’t cease.

Death, dissolution,

A bitter beg, a plea.

Please take me away.

Please take me away.

Overdose of life,

Too much, too quick,

And I feel deceased.

Please, go back to sleep.

Go back to sleep.

My mind doesn’t tame,

My eyes know no fame,

Except to my family.

Is that enough, do you believe?

And I’m living obscene,

I’d sell my soul for a better life.

To go back to sleep

Please take me away.

.

.

.

This bitter dream,

I’d like to apologize,

To say sorry.

I brought you into this world,

And now I can’t leave,

If I do you may just be,

Driven to the slaughterhouse,

Living with the ghosts of past,

Just like me.

So please,

I’ll stay a little bit longer.

It’s not fair, but,

You bring me to my knees.

I’ll save the cliff for another time,

And I’ll stall the bleed.

Just please don’t be like me.