A true death

Every person dies twice.

Once, when your physical being departs your vessel.

Twice, when the last person to remember you disembarks this existence.

You will be forgotten.

You will not be missed.

Eventually, eventuality will be amiss.

Having said that, doesn’t mean your existence was worth little to nothing. In fact, to the universe I’d does, but to the people around you it’s everything.

Sure, all of us will be forgotten, all of our items in the trash. All of our loved ones will be the same and not a single thing will last.

But the beauty of this, “this”, is that through astronomical odds, and that’s a limiting word in this regard, no word can do justice, you exist.

There are millions of sperm created daily. One to two million eggs in each woman. 8 billion people on this planet, not counting the ones existing previously.

Yet, you seem to be breathing here today. You are reading this and understanding what the words are trying to relay. It may not come at first, a quick glance, and you’ll never fully understand. Read these letters, put the phone down and daze into the void. Imagine the meaning that I’m so poory trying to instill. Know you mean nothing and everything all at the same time.

Stall the bleed

I see your face

And my heart sinks

The thoughts I had

Still won’t cease.

Death, dissolution,

A bitter beg, a plea.

Please take me away.

Please take me away.

Overdose of life,

Too much, too quick,

And I feel deceased.

Please, go back to sleep.

Go back to sleep.

My mind doesn’t tame,

My eyes know no fame,

Except to my family.

Is that enough, do you believe?

And I’m living obscene,

I’d sell my soul for a better life.

To go back to sleep

Please take me away.

.

.

.

This bitter dream,

I’d like to apologize,

To say sorry.

I brought you into this world,

And now I can’t leave,

If I do you may just be,

Driven to the slaughterhouse,

Living with the ghosts of past,

Just like me.

So please,

I’ll stay a little bit longer.

It’s not fair, but,

You bring me to my knees.

I’ll save the cliff for another time,

And I’ll stall the bleed.

Just please don’t be like me.

Does it matter?

I know who I am.

I know what I want.

I knew what to do

Without a second thought.

I’ve given my soul

And I’ve given enough,

It’s taking it’s toll

And Im close to giving too much.

So sell me down the river

In hopes that I may drown.

Serious notions that I deliver

Are leaving you unbound.

Still here

This is still a thing?

Striving, surviving

In a place worth living in.

It’s been so long,

But when is it ever enough?

I live mediocre,

Never excelling at much.

Thirty something years around this Sun,

Sol, my saviour, warm to the touch.

An endless friction

In which I cannot believe.

200 kilometers per second,

In my heart I can’t concede.

The face of ill notions,

The one’s you hope to mislead.

Forever is never enough

When I’m judged

On the eighty-some years I’ll bleed.

Follow me

Follow me,

Follow the breeze.

Rain, it lingers.

We call it humidity.

To Suffer, repeated,

I believed in the notion.

I believed in the fate.

I thought one’s motions

Would allow them to escape.

I was wrong.

In my place I see

My mind ignores

It delivers humility.

To suffer, repeated

I relive the commotions.

I relieve the debate.

I believed that everything

And everyone

Had happened by mistake.

Anyways

Heart held,

Too little too late?

Enough said,

Like a sick retrograde.

Buckle down,

All in wait,

A burrowing Hell,

A drawn out escape.

Suffer now

Because there is no later,

Trigger my “ness”

My essence, cratered.

Losing my torturer

In the place we’ve made.

Circumstances,

Encumbrances,

I won’t wait.

I will,

I lie.

Blood red heart, filled,

I loved her anyways.

Tissues

Distressed.

Regrets.

Living in a lie composed of the very notion that I am hoping that things will only tend to get better. I’m stressed.

Misuse.

Tissues.

Thinking of all the little bits of confidence that I have missed due to tomorrow’s misuse of attitude.

Contradict.

A little bit.

Seeing you with him takes my mind to a turn of the worse as I verse my words to fill my head with such nonsense.

I loved you.

I love you?

Lost in a whirlwind of emotions only to hope for a day where I can regress my memories before they eat at me.

Not so sweet

I’m bitter,

Oh so bitter.

I think about all of the little Bits

And I’m left with just a little bit.

Still,

I’m bitter.

My liver –

Is as ragged as before,

Prometheus.

Bound to live in this winter

That I seem to have made for myself.

I quiver,

Cause loneliness is my best lover.

She’s harsh,

Simple yet so controlling.

She keeps me little,

Yet I keep running miles

To kiss her feet.

She’s bitter,

Just a little bit,

But she’s different.

More than I could hope to have.

The taste,

The future,

The bitterness from not having either.

It literally eats at my stability.

I’m becoming unable.

To Learn Again

One cannot learn
Unless encompassed by failure.
Regret only take turns
When establishing your grandeur.
Possibilities take flight
As the days cycle, past to future.
Given the moments in sight
You’ve taken all that you can squander.
Not for you, I, or the many bit of visitors
But for the me, my needs, and all of my listeners.

Take place while I’ll take hold.
Establish my grace as I begin to grow old.
I tick, I tock, my path begins it’s pace.
I begin to remember the moments that had never taken place.